Communication tool no one acknowledges but everyone uses
Research shows gossip helps build trust between coworkers. Wait, what? Everything we've been taught about gossip being unprofessional might be missing the point. I’ve just written about the communication tool nobody talks about but everyone uses. Turns out, the question isn't whether gossip should happen, it's whether we understand it well enough to use it constructively.
Let's address the elephant in the room: gossip happens in every workplace. In every team meeting aftermath, every coffee break conversation, every Slack DM. We've been taught to think of gossip as unprofessional, toxic, something to avoid at all costs. But what if we've been looking at it all wrong?
Kelsey McKinney's recent book You Didn't Hear This From Me: (Mostly) True Notes on Gossip challenges our assumptions about this universally-practiced but rarely-discussed form of communication. And it turns out, understanding gossip might be one of the most valuable skills for professional growth and relationship building.
1. It Builds emotional intelligence
Gossip requires what McKinney calls "theory of mind," which is the ability to imagine others' intentions, motivations, and emotions. When we discuss why a colleague reacted a certain way or speculate about a leader's decision-making process, we're actually exercising crucial empathy muscles.
This perspective-taking is fundamental to effective leadership, collaboration, and conflict resolution.
2. It creates informal knowledge networks
Research shows that gossip helps build and maintain trust-based bonds between coworkers. Through informal conversations, we learn unwritten rules of organizational culture, identify who has expertise in specific areas, understand how to navigate political dynamics, and discover what behaviours are rewarded or discouraged.
This social learning accelerates onboarding, helps us avoid mistakes, and makes us more effective in our roles.
3. It serves as informal justice
McKinney shares how gossip protected her from harassment by alerting friends to dangerous situations. In professional settings, whisper networks similarly warn colleagues about problematic behaviour, create accountability when formal systems fail, protect vulnerable team members, and surface issues that might otherwise stay hidden.
Not all gossip is created equal. Here's how to tell the difference:
Constructive gossip: Constructive gossip shares information to protect or support others. It builds trust through appropriate vulnerability, helps navigate ambiguous situations, and creates psychological safety and connection.
Destructive gossip: Destructive gossip weaponises information to harm or exclude. It punishes minor mistakes disproportionately, creates surveillance culture, and erodes trust and belonging.
The key isn't whether we gossip (we all do). The key is how we gossip.
Ask yourself these questions:
Before sharing information about someone who isn't present, consider whether this is protecting someone or harming them. Information about unethical behaviour or safety concerns serves a legitimate purpose. Think about whether you would say this if the person were present. If not, consider whether it needs to be said at all. Ask yourself whether you're sharing to connect or to exclude. Bonding over shared experiences differs from creating in-groups and out-groups. Finally, consider whether you have consent to share this. Personal information shared in confidence should stay that way.
Create healthier communication cultures:
As leaders and team members, we can reduce information vacuums by providing transparent communication about changes and decisions, which minimizes harmful speculation. We should model appropriate boundaries and demonstrate what constructive information-sharing looks like. It's important to address toxic gossip directly rather than ignoring it, and we need to recognize gossip's legitimate functions by creating formal channels for the concerns that informal gossip often surfaces.
The surveillance trap
McKinney warns about "entitlement gossip," which is the belief that we deserve access to everyone's private lives and motivations. In our hyper-connected world, this manifests as stalking colleagues' social media for insights, demanding complete transparency from team members, and viral call-out culture that destroys individuals over minor infractions.
Professional relationships require boundaries. Not everything needs to be known, shared, or discussed publicly.
What this means for your career
Understanding gossip's role in communication helps you navigate workplace dynamics more effectively by recognizing the informal information flows that shape organizational culture. It enables you to build stronger relationships by engaging in appropriate, trust-building conversations that create genuine connection. You can develop leadership skills by understanding how information spreads, what your team really thinks, and where communication gaps exist. This knowledge allows you to set healthy boundaries by distinguishing between helpful information-sharing and toxic surveillance. Finally, you can create psychological safety by modelling constructive communication and addressing destructive patterns.
The bottom line
McKinney writes that we gossip and tell stories because that's how we make sense of the world, reaching outward to connect with others. In professional contexts, this fundamental human behaviour isn't going anywhere.
The question isn't whether gossip happens in your workplace (it does). The question is whether you understand it well enough to use it constructively while avoiding its pitfalls.
Gossip, done thoughtfully, is emotional speculation that helps us explore perspectives, build empathy, and navigate the messy reality of human relationships. It's not the enemy of professional culture. When used with intention and care, it's a fundamental part of how healthy organisations actually work.